"I'm older and shit"

Mike Comrie is that girl that you were with 6 years ago and everything was great until it wasn’t. So you have a nasty break up and you try to trade her to the Mighty Ducks for Corey Perry but then you want to eat your cake if you have to trade it away, but that only makes things worse.

So she moves out of your place and you try to fill the void with Shawn Horcoff, Mike York, and Petr Nedved, but it’s just not the same. So, not having any luck without her, you sleep around at home (18-17-6 anyone?) and you desperately pursue girls that score a lot of goals, but they’re too shallow to live in your place because your heater and DVD player are broken and your friends are big dumb losers that live in Edmonton.

Things aren’t exactly great for you, but it’s okay because you know she’s not doing any better than you are. You see your ex’s stats and see that she’s dating the Phoenix Coyotes and the New York Islanders, so you laugh at her misfortune and boo her when you see her on the icy street.

But then you meet this new girl during the off season, Dany Heatley, and you’re both really drunk or something and you’ve had a crush on her for a long time. So you go back to your place and have sex before she gets her bonus from Senators and you think your life is going to turn around. But then you fly down to her summer home in BC the next day and she’s all “Last night never happened,” and “I didn’t waive my no trade clause!” So you’re devastated. But then you bump into your ex-girlfriend on the street and you hear that your dads have been talking and they think you should get back together and your just desperate enough that that actually seems like a good idea. And besides, you’ve both matured a lot in the past 6 years. You’ve both had your share of bad decisions and you figure, “Hey, what the hell, I’ll sign you to a 1 year deal worth 1.125 million” and you do. And then she gets 4 assists in a pre-season game against the Florida Panthers and your filled with this sense of optimism that will inevitably be crushed half-way through November. Probably.

And that was my really long Mike Comrie Analogy.

-Evan