I have never once rolled up the rim. And never have I ever expected to win anything. Hell, I don’t even drink coffee. Maybe I’m just not Tim Hortons’ target audience; I can accept this.

But they sell goddamn donuts (prefer spelling to “doughnuts”) there! And I like donuts, specifically their chocolate-dipped variety. So when I made the trek to the nearest Hortons establishment, I was expecting to walkout with a dozen of those delicious bastards. So you can imagine my surprise when they told me that they only had a pathetic two made at the moment and refused to make anymore! And you can imagine I was doubly surprised when I went to another location the next day and the exact same thing happened!

I think Tim Hortons has lost sight of where it came from, originally called “Tim Horton Donuts”, it was a donut shop! Not only did those communists drop the donuts from the title, but they also dropped the possessive apostrophe. Even Wendy’s has an apostrophe and everyone knows what a whore she is.

Tim Hortons is supposed to be a cornerstone of Canadian culture, but in all honesty, I identify more with Jack Layton’s mustache.

I guess my point is this: I shouldn’t have to call ahead (which I did) to get a dozen donuts at a frickin donut shop.

-Evan